"Parenting Gods"

Excerpt from "Parenting Gods" [from "Bottom Feeder" collection]; unedited (as I get ready to re-publish).


Sometimes I couldn’t help myself but get clinical with Stan. My justification: checking the internal consistency of his narrative. For example, I’d ask: “Stan, you mentioned that you were of a myriad of different forms, that you spoke god knows how many languages … If so, how could you possibly remember where you came from or what you were or anything about your past?”


He’d chuckle, as if challenged by a toddler. “Forgetting was the point, Doc. Don’t you understand?! Of course you do, Doc. You are just teasing me, right?”


I’d stay noncommittal, awaiting elaboration. And he’d always come through.


“That was the point – to erase the past. To extinguish it. To eviscerate it. You know, consciousness comes into the world rough-cut, with an agenda. It comes in dirty. You call this karma here. Parenting gods involves complete commitment to the present. Real time action. You have to purify yourself first, you have to detox yourself from your own agenda lest you pass it on. If your consciousness has a vector, if it has any vestige of past programming, you are never in real time, you are only projecting past reality onto what currently is, in a kind of invisible overlay of expectations. You taint your offspring, you end up programming them – even if unwittingly. When your mind is impure, you’re in no position to parent a god. To parent a god, you have to be a god. Gods have no minds … ”


“Parent a god?” I repeated after Stan. This was a new one to me, he hadn’t said anything of this sort before. Was he finally becoming grandiose as we all do when our senses begin to fail us – as we slip into that final feedback loop of solipsist self-referencing? Alien – I could take that. But god?! Stan was surely losing it. But aren’t we all?!


“Yes, Doc. You see in our life – I mean our life, not your life – the very point of existence was to eventually reach a point of such nonduality, such real-time precision of spontaneous action that you could finally embark on a parenting project – a project of parenting a god. By then you had to have completely erased any vestige of the past, you had to have completely extinguished any trace of past programming. You had to totally liberate yourself from your past. Your Greek philosopher Lucretius called it “clinamen” – a unpredictable swerve of an atom that would account for there being “something” instead of “nothing.” But your Greeks misunderstood gods – gods are not in the business of creating “something” out of “nothing” by giving atoms a swerve. Gods leave “nothing” alone. They protect the Nothingness. Nothingness is our womb, our mother, the Undifferentiated Proto-Source of All That Is. Gods erase swerves, they detox the Universe of its “clinamen.” Your Buddhists are closer to understanding what we do – they talk about erasing karma, expunging it like you would expunge a DUI …”


“You lost me, Stan,” I said realizing that my eye brows were literally in the middle of my forehead as if I had just bitten down on a Trinidad scorpion pepper.


“It’s simple, Doc. If you have a past, you child will have your past too. But gods – if they are to act with the freedom that comes with immortality, have to be free of the past. They have to feel unborn if they are to feel undying. There are only two things that constrain our freedom – past and future, determinism and teleology, wounds and desires. These are all the same. So my wife and I – we had to launder ourselves through innumerous lifetimes so as to leave the past behind. Otherwise we’d run the risk of giving our offspring a spin, a clinamen, a spin that’d create either a devil or an angel. And that’s not the Universe needs. What the Universe needs is just a fair god, a balanced god capable of acting in real time, without a bias. A god without a past or a future.”


“Are you then, Stan, saying that a god is a being that has no past or a future?”


“I am saying that. I am also saying that anyone mortal who is free from the past or the future – say, through meditation – is a god. If only for a moment …”