The Houdini Mind

I (whatever that means) lay down outside and close my eyes to go inside (where's that?!).

My Mind (whatever that means) sets a goal for itself: notice Reality (whatever that means), and ignore itself.

The back-and-forth tug-of-war of Meditation (whatever that means) ensues:

First Mind is drawn into (or draws itself into) (who knows!) the proverbial Reality of Sound outside (after all, my eyes are closed).

And yet, somehow, not even a moment later - despite my closed eyes - my Mind begins to see what it hears: a sound of a passing car becomes an image of a passing car.

Mind asks itself (how can it ask itself unless it is two, not one; and yet, somehow it does): how am I doing this?  And who is this I that is asking itself?

Mind you! - none of this is wrapped in language - this self-inquiring through process, this double-helical conversation of a mind that takes turns being Subject and Object of its own inquiry, this self-mirroring, self-referencing, ineffably uroboric thought-tango simply unfolds, unfurls, unwinds like a Gordian knot of undifferentiated Consciousness (whatever that means).

Finally, the Houdini-Mind catches itself, realizing that it once again escaped Reality into a nowhere of discursive abstraction.

Time passes - that very time that Mind knows it itself creates with the help of information-processing - and finally Mind orders itself (how?!) to re-enter Reality:

The glaring eye of the Sun above me (are we even separate?!) is as wide-open as it ever is and the Houdini Mind has nowhere to escape: what I (whatever that means) see nails me down to Reality (still no clue what that is!).

Echoes of Vedic sages remind me: tat tvam asi - (in English): you are that! - that which you see as not-you.

"If so," Mind again engages itself, "then did I go inside or outside?"

Echoes of Zen sages remind me: drop the question.

Through the leafless hedges I see and hear a car passing - and this "I" that tries to meditate is nowhere present.

A Krishnamurti (was it Jiddu or UG - who knows?!) chirps into my ear: a true meditation is a non-meditation.

So Mind sums up this paradoxical dictum: "Meditate not!"